CLOSED PROMPT 1: POETRY

Exam: 2003 Free-Response Questions
Question 1: "The following poems are both concerned with Eros, the god of love in Greek mythology. Read the poems carefully. Then write an essay in which you compare and contrast the two concepts of Eros and analyze the techniques used to
create them."

Student Response: E
     Student E's eloquently leads into their argument. They use techniques like tone, diction, syntax, imagery, and other devices to show Bridge's curious view and Stevenson's pessimistic view of Eros. The writer uses quotes directly from poems to support their arguments and their warrants refrains from unneeded summarization. However, their thesis (if it's the last sentence in the introduction) is pretty weak as the writer doesn't really explain what each poet's underlying assumptions are. I was left searching for them throughout the essay. The writer doesn't make clear connections to their main argument (curiosity v. pessimism). For example, the writer talks a lot about the awe and conflicting feelings Bridges feels toward Eros but doesn't make it clear how any of that relates to curiosity. As a result, it seems like there are just quotes and devices thrown out there with no cohesive focus, especially when their paragraphs are quite long. Although their essay show very strong comprehension, I felt as if the analysis could've been more insightful since it is quite surface level. I would give them a 7 for those reasons.

Student Response: A
     Student A's introduction was impressively done and concise. I thought this student took their analysis further than Student E's did. They not only recognize the pessimistic view of the second poem but argues that it is because of the way humans have abused love. The writer uses multiple quotes and their techniques are clearly stated. Their overall focus is obvious with topic sentences. Each point that they make links to their overarching purpose. However, I found a lot of unnecessary repetition within each of the paragraphs. They use the word "praise" five total times in the first paragraph and phrases like "his praise with praiseworthy... diction" depicts the lack of maturity in their writing. Although they have a strong sense of direction, this repetition could've been done in a more sophisticated way. I thought this student's essay was very interesting and thoughtful. They illustrated their keen analytical and comprehension skills. Yet when it came to their execution, I would give Student A a 7 due to their repetition which led to a lack of unique insight at times.

Student Response: Y
     Student's Y's introduction was extremely vague as their core argument is that Bridge's depiction of Eros is more "perfect" and Stevenson's depiction shows that Eros is "overused." With a weak argument, their supporting points are even weaker, one being "writing style." They argue that Bridge's writing is "more formal" without describing how or using examples to back this up. When they do use quotes, they are unnecessarily long. Their quotes basically make up their entire paragraphs and their warrants just summaries of quotes that are unneeded to begin with. Sometimes the student doesn't even bother setting up the quotes and they are just thrown in there. For example, they briefly mention the word "innocence" and add a quote that already states the innocence. In fact, the entire argument about innocence doesn't really fit into the paragraph where the main point is perfection. While innocence can sometimes be associated with perfection, that isn't always the case and the writer makes no effort to connect these two ideas. With although their ideas aren’t necessarily wrong, they are severely underdeveloped. As a result, I would give Student Y a 4.